1. |
Intro
01:54
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2. |
Apricots
03:53
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a four by six foot rectangle pushed up against the wall
is it a mattress or a magnet or a reminder of the hall
that i cannot reach
i cannot move
i will sprawl myself until it sinks into another room
is it a cocoon
is it a casket
the space between the two isn't enough to mask it
a sign or an excuse
or just something else to say
i know better than to find out the hard way
it rumbles, says remember,
you don't really have a choice but to
listen to someone else's voice
a four by six foot rectangle comes falling thru the floor
propelled by my breath until it washes ashore
east and west
in and out
sentient, inhales, as it floats on the route
until it snaps
back into place
four walls and a door and defined blank space
a sign or an excuse
or just something else to say
i know better than to find out the hard way
it rumbles, says remember,
you don't really have a choice but to
listen to someone else's voice
pit me and gut me and leave me here
pit me and gut me and leave me here
pit me and gut me and leave me here
lament regret and go
pit me and gut me and leave me here
lament regret and go
a four by six foot rectangle pushed up against the wall
alone alone on a wide wide sea
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3. |
In Flames, But Mostly
03:50
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i don't mind
this bird around my neck
the way that it wakes me
in the morning when it sings
and i know
that i did this to myself
take responsibility
don't dump on someone else
i don't mind
this boulder on my back
legs on open on the table
a panic attack
that will last
til i am twenty one
guilty for not feeling guilt
til all is said and done
deep breath
deny deny
deep breath
ask me why
until brain exits body
don't blame it on luck
and don't blame it on me
don't blame it on luck
and don't blame it on me
i know you mind
the brick upon your chest
the weight of your decisions
and bad nights put to rest
i know you care
and i know that you'll regret
every inhale exhale
that made you forget
up in flames
but mostly up in smoke
forget an hour and laugh it off
as if it's all a joke
i don't mind
this bird around my throat
at least i can stand behind
every word i wrote
deep breath
deny deny
deep breath
ask me why
til brain exits body
don't blame it on luck
and don't blame it on me
don't blame it on luck
and don't blame it on me
i don't mind this bird around my neck
i don't mind this bird around my throat
i don't mind this bird around my neck
i don't mind this bird around my throat
i don't mind this bird around my neck
i don't mind this bird around my throat
i don't mind a little cloud of smoke
i only mind when you tilt me back to choke
deep breath
deny deny
deep breath
ask me why
til brain exits body
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4. |
Gray Area
03:02
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we hope trauma to be a one-off,
a happening that goes as quickly as it comes,
a self that is defined and patient,
a self to return to when you are ready.
reset with a prescribed program of healing,
one-size-fits-all.
find yourself again in four easy steps.
repeat as necessary.
one:
ignore the gray area that sits comfortably between chronic and irregular.
a tremor without a purpose,
it becomes instinct, as if it was always there.
two:
if there is a god, she is impatient with me
while i look for an explanation in Good and Bad,
in black and white,
i find them both within myself.
if there is a god, she is angry with me for placing blame on circumstance.
i ask her if i'm being punished and she rolls her eyes.
i ask her if i'm being punished and she ignores me.
three:
luck, l u c k. noun. success or failure apparently brought by chance rather than through one's own actions.
spell it out slow enough for your throat to shake when you speak,
but fast enough to stop yourself from asking questions.
four:
my patient neuroses come out to play.
they say, i've been waiting to let this out like you waited to let me in.
a twitch holds still when it has to but it can only hide for so long,
moldy in the back of my craigslist dresser,
moldy in the back of my head as it repeats, repeats, repeats.
my patient neuroses have yet to learn
and they are not planning on it anytime soon.
stagnant is easy and they know it.
you, the oil spill.
me, the duck from the dawn commercial.
you, the person who saves the duck.
find yourself again in four easy steps.
repeat as necessary.
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5. |
Follows Me Around
04:27
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softer than the wind that cycles through
the dent in your back and my matching tattoo
when there's nothing left but the rain on my neck
that drips til there's nothing left to wreck
it pursues us up the coast and back down
relentless pursuit, restless with you
where progress meets patience
where sky meets the ground
outrunning the bad luck that follows me around
wanting more than i've waited for
waiting for more than i've asked for
asking for more than i deserve
a last ditch attempt to define my worth
colder than back of my pillowcase
flip it and press to the side of my face
the fan hits your side before it hits mine
not gentle enough as a chill hits my spine
comfort, release, repent, repeat
comfort, release, admit defeat
guilty of a pure and innocent trust
fighting a force that's bigger than us
wanting more than i've waited for
waiting for more than i've asked for
asking for more than i deserve
a last ditch attempt to define my worth
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6. |
Indigo
01:15
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words spit out in subtleties
til my tongue runs dry
sincerity washes up
and grips on to my thigh
and we will not come down
two more years in the air
leave it up to chance
with miles to spare
on the horizon
above and below
sleep in the sky
in shades of indigo
you are not my good luck charm
but i'm lucky to have you
you are not my good luck charm
but i'm lucky to have you
you are not my good luck charm
but i'm lucky to have you
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