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Reservoir

by Rather Be

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1.
Intro 01:54
2.
Apricots 03:53
a four by six foot rectangle pushed up against the wall is it a mattress or a magnet or a reminder of the hall that i cannot reach i cannot move i will sprawl myself until it sinks into another room is it a cocoon is it a casket the space between the two isn't enough to mask it a sign or an excuse or just something else to say i know better than to find out the hard way it rumbles, says remember, you don't really have a choice but to listen to someone else's voice a four by six foot rectangle comes falling thru the floor propelled by my breath until it washes ashore east and west in and out sentient, inhales, as it floats on the route until it snaps back into place four walls and a door and defined blank space a sign or an excuse or just something else to say i know better than to find out the hard way it rumbles, says remember, you don't really have a choice but to listen to someone else's voice pit me and gut me and leave me here pit me and gut me and leave me here pit me and gut me and leave me here lament regret and go pit me and gut me and leave me here lament regret and go a four by six foot rectangle pushed up against the wall alone alone on a wide wide sea
3.
i don't mind this bird around my neck the way that it wakes me in the morning when it sings and i know that i did this to myself take responsibility don't dump on someone else i don't mind this boulder on my back legs on open on the table a panic attack that will last til i am twenty one guilty for not feeling guilt til all is said and done deep breath deny deny deep breath ask me why until brain exits body don't blame it on luck and don't blame it on me don't blame it on luck and don't blame it on me i know you mind the brick upon your chest the weight of your decisions and bad nights put to rest i know you care and i know that you'll regret every inhale exhale that made you forget up in flames but mostly up in smoke forget an hour and laugh it off as if it's all a joke i don't mind this bird around my throat at least i can stand behind every word i wrote deep breath deny deny deep breath ask me why til brain exits body don't blame it on luck and don't blame it on me don't blame it on luck and don't blame it on me i don't mind this bird around my neck i don't mind this bird around my throat i don't mind this bird around my neck i don't mind this bird around my throat i don't mind this bird around my neck i don't mind this bird around my throat i don't mind a little cloud of smoke i only mind when you tilt me back to choke deep breath deny deny deep breath ask me why til brain exits body
4.
Gray Area 03:02
we hope trauma to be a one-off, a happening that goes as quickly as it comes, a self that is defined and patient, a self to return to when you are ready. reset with a prescribed program of healing, one-size-fits-all. find yourself again in four easy steps. repeat as necessary. one: ignore the gray area that sits comfortably between chronic and irregular. a tremor without a purpose, it becomes instinct, as if it was always there. two: if there is a god, she is impatient with me while i look for an explanation in Good and Bad, in black and white, i find them both within myself. if there is a god, she is angry with me for placing blame on circumstance. i ask her if i'm being punished and she rolls her eyes. i ask her if i'm being punished and she ignores me. three: luck, l u c k. noun. success or failure apparently brought by chance rather than through one's own actions. spell it out slow enough for your throat to shake when you speak, but fast enough to stop yourself from asking questions. four: my patient neuroses come out to play. they say, i've been waiting to let this out like you waited to let me in. a twitch holds still when it has to but it can only hide for so long, moldy in the back of my craigslist dresser, moldy in the back of my head as it repeats, repeats, repeats. my patient neuroses have yet to learn and they are not planning on it anytime soon. stagnant is easy and they know it. you, the oil spill. me, the duck from the dawn commercial. you, the person who saves the duck. find yourself again in four easy steps. repeat as necessary.
5.
softer than the wind that cycles through the dent in your back and my matching tattoo when there's nothing left but the rain on my neck that drips til there's nothing left to wreck it pursues us up the coast and back down relentless pursuit, restless with you where progress meets patience where sky meets the ground outrunning the bad luck that follows me around wanting more than i've waited for waiting for more than i've asked for asking for more than i deserve a last ditch attempt to define my worth colder than back of my pillowcase flip it and press to the side of my face the fan hits your side before it hits mine not gentle enough as a chill hits my spine comfort, release, repent, repeat comfort, release, admit defeat guilty of a pure and innocent trust fighting a force that's bigger than us wanting more than i've waited for waiting for more than i've asked for asking for more than i deserve a last ditch attempt to define my worth
6.
Indigo 01:15
words spit out in subtleties til my tongue runs dry sincerity washes up and grips on to my thigh and we will not come down two more years in the air leave it up to chance with miles to spare on the horizon above and below sleep in the sky in shades of indigo you are not my good luck charm but i'm lucky to have you you are not my good luck charm but i'm lucky to have you you are not my good luck charm but i'm lucky to have you

about

And every tongue, through utter drought,
Was withered at the root;
We could not speak, no more than if
We had been choked with soot.

Ah! well a-day! what evil looks
Had I from old and young!
Instead of the cross, the Albatross
About my neck was hung.

credits

released December 13, 2016

Rather Be is
- Jake Kaplan
- Anna Ladd

On This Album:
Conner Saltzer - drums

Engineering/ production
Rather Be & Reed Bodenstein

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